Hearing Loss and Mental Health???

[kevels55]

Hi Folks,

I was having a very interesting conversation the other night after I overheard my wife talking on the phone to another professional (My wife is a Specialist Social Worker for the Deaf & HOH) Anyhow, I overheard her saying, "if your client has a Severe/Profound loss, then they are 4 times more likely to have mental health problems, than a hearing person"! I am aware this is a bit of a taboo subject, but there must be many MH sufferers on this site whom think they are, all on their own with MH............... Perhaps we could share our experiences and in turn help each other? If you consider, 1 in 4 of the general population will suffer some form of "Mental Health Breakdown" in their life, there can not be many of the HOH in the Severe/Profound threshold whom do not at some point have a breakdown? Personally, I suffered with depression for years, I became reclusive, withdrawn and quite isolated! There were other factors like Tinnitus and Meniere's Disease! I would say the main cause was my failure to accept my loss, I was totally aware I was deaf, but could not actually accept it! I am fine now, for the most part, but I do believe once you have a Mental Health problem, then it is never far from your thoughts?

Your comments would be much appreciated!

Cheers Kev:D

[2ringers]

I can attest to the fact that hearing loss can lead to depression. Family functions where you feel isolated because everyone is having conversation and you can't follow along. Going someplace where everyone is watching tv and you can't follow the program. Trying to watch a program at home and the captioning is so poor or so far behind that it is unwatchable. Not able to make friends. Unable to participate in anything where here is Ny tips of background noise. So tired if asking people to repeat the selves that you just give up and nod and smile. Missing out on promotions due to loss. Having to scrimp and save to even be able to have a hearing aid. Not being able to use a phone most of the time. Seeing the frustration in someone when you ask them to repeat something. Not even wanting to go to resteraunt or any type of gathering knowing what its going to be like.

[JohnD]

Hi Kevels55.

They do say that when eavesdropping, you never hear anything good!!!!!

However. I can understand both yours, and 2ringers feelings.

Born with cataracts, and later in life-detached retinas due to their removal, I have found I need to face problems head on. There is always something that can be done, even if it seems impossible.

Loosing your hearing is probably one of the most difficult things to come to terms with. No one knows or understands, that it has wrecked your life. Your confidence to go out and meet people takes a back seat, as does your ability to communicate. So it has affected your behaviour. But you are not mentally ill!

It's those who are embarrassed because you can't understand them that should question their mentality.

So! Tell yourself you are not giving up. Think about what you have. Not what you have lost.

I went on holiday five months after I lost my hearing, with one hearing aid. I also have tinnitus and cannot hear low frequencies. All sounds are like static, which made conversation very difficult, and trying to understand conversation almost impossible. That was six years ago.

Now I have two aids. I still don't hear too well, but I am working on it and programming them to help me.

I go out shopping, and manage to cope with voices that are far from clear. If you ask the right question, you can often anticipate the correct answer, and pick out the words you expect. People talking behind glass screens can lead to confusion, especially if it`s a noisy bus and the fare has gone up!

I tend to muddle through sometimes, but common sense should tell you to tell them, you can't hear or understand them, and slow down. They should hopefully respond in a grown up way. If not, it`s not your fault they have some sort of mental block!

That`s a few thoughts of mine……..

[byline]

This reminds me of a quote by Helen Keller, who said that if she had to choose, she would rather be blind than deaf because deafness and hearing loss rob us of the ability to communicate with others. I believe this is the exact quote:

I am just as deaf as I am blind. The problems of deafness are deeper and more complex, if not more important than those of blindness. Deafness is a much worse misfortune. For it means the loss of the most vital stimulus - the sound of the voice that brings language, sets thoughts astir, and keeps us in the intellectual company of man.

Blindness separates us from things but deafness separates us from people.

Children who hear acquire language without any particular effort; the words that fall from others' lips they catch on the wing, as it were, delightedly, while the little deaf child must trap them by a slow and often painful process. But whatever the process, the result is wonderful. Gradually from naming an object we advance step by step until we have traversed the vast distance between our first stammered syllable and the sweep of thought in a line of Shakespeare.

- Helen Keller

[JohnD]

Thanks byline, there`s a lot of truth in that.

[Hask12]

I'm not sure any of that is a mental health problem

[Sandra]

Kevels55,

You share some poignant moments in your life that some of us severe/profound loss sufferers can identify with. I do believe we at some point have mental health problems that we either overcome.... or don't.

I think the first step is accepting the loss, then, what am I going to do about it? Once the next step of getting all the equipment in place and learning to use it has been accomplished, and the difficulties of not understanding the spoken word still remain, we are left with, uh oh, this is the rest of my life, now what?? That's when the panic sets in and the "mental health"problems arrive. I don't think I spend too much time being depressed, but I sure do live with anxiety, every time I have to be around a person to communicate.

Telling the person you are talking with that you are hearing impaired makes them anxious, even after telling them how to communicate with you, I can feel their anxiety, therefore increasing mine. It's just all so difficult and exhausting, making being away from people a sought after experience.

I will never give up though, combining some communication with solitude. I do avoid large groups unless absolutely necessary.

My empathy to all those with profound losses.

My audiogram


L R
250hz 70 70
500hz 80 80
1000hz 95 95
1500hz 110 110
2000 NR NR
4000 NR NR
8000 NR NR

[byline]

I'm not sure any of that is a mental health problem
I think that Keller's point about deafness (or hearing loss) separating us from people is a very pertinent point. Mental illness doesn't begin out of nothing. Clinical depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, but there are also things that trigger depressive episodes. One of those triggers can be an inability to communicate with others, which creates isolation, which results in the loss of stimuli so necessary to everyday living. That situation can trigger depression, which is indeed a mental health problem.

[byline]

Telling the person you are talking with that you are hearing impaired makes them anxious, even after telling them how to communicate with you, I can feel their anxiety, therefore increasing mine. It's just all so difficult and exhausting, making being away from people a sought after experience.
Even those of us with mild to moderate hearing loss have experienced this, but of course it must be so much worse for people with profound hearing loss. Anxiety disorder is another mental health issue. It can become so incapacitating that people are afraid to leave their homes.

That may not be the same thing as anxiety which develops directly from a specific experience, such as the anxiety we experience when we know we are in a situation where we can't understand others, or have a very difficult time doing so, but it can be every bit as debilitating as the disorder itself because either way, our preferred choice is to isolate ourselves so that we don't have to go through that fear (or have others become fearful around us, and then having that fear transmitted to us, which creates an anxiety loop). Going through this kind of fear in every social situation can lead to mental health issues that are hard to resolve.

This has more to do with personality, not mental health disorders: I am shy, and have long wondered if it was the chicken or the egg; have I always been shy, by nature, or did my shyness develop out of my hearing loss?

[Sandra]

Sue,

I have also asked myself that question, as to whether I'm loner because of my hearing loss or because I was a loner as a child? My mom always said, I was happiest entertaining myself with my nose in a book, and in high school I chose not to go to the local hangout with the other kids, but home to do my chores and homework. I lost my hearing at age 18, 50 yrs ago to an ototoxic antibiotic.

I really do like people and can be sociable but,..... on my terms.

: )

[ZCT]

Hi Folks,

I was having a very interesting conversation the other night after I overheard my wife talking on the phone to another professional (My wife is a Specialist Social Worker for the Deaf & HOH) Anyhow, I overheard her saying, "if your client has a Severe/Profound loss, then they are 4 times more likely to have mental health problems, than a hearing person"! ...

Cheers Kev:D

I am not a mental health professional, that's my wife's field. But effects of hearing loss on general well being is certainly part of the curriculum for my field back when I qualified in the UK.

I'd say the biggest issue is isolation. Even a relatively mild hearing loss can harm ones ability to hear conversation in a social situation such as a party, restaurant, or similar. And with a more serious loss, it can get to the point when anything other than face to face conversation becomes unmanageable.

This can have a profound effect on an individual. Information that was once gleaned simply by listening is no longer accessible. People with normal hearing may lose patience or be unhelpful when asked to repeat themselves. The hearing loss not only has an excluding effect but also increases social anxiety. What if I say the wrong thing? What if they think I'm stupid?

A hearing loss gets in the way of human interaction that people with normal hearing take for granted. And not only is that a problem in and of itself, but failure to stimulate the auditory cortex over time can also have an impact on the brain's ability to process speech correctly. While this is not strictly speaking a mental health issue, it is something that effects the brain.

So untreated hearing loss causes people to withdraw from human participation whether it be simply refusing to go to social functions or isolating oneself while at a social function, it is usually an unhealthy deviation from the patient's normal behavior.

For various reasons many people wait several years between the onset of a hearing problem, and seeking help for it. And during that time they are teaching their brain how not to hear, and often compromising their lifestyle. They may also be compromising their professional life too, there was a study in the media a few months ago that showed that people with a hearing loss are likely to earn less money than people with normal hearing. Perhaps the symptoms of the hearing loss are misinterpreted as a negative behavioral trait which gets the individual passed over for promotion, or shuts them out of certain opportunities.

So there's the isolation factor, the effect hearing loss has on families and friendships, negative career issues, and then finally age vanity. Many people incorrectly associate hearing loss with aging, and therefore see the use of hearing aids as an admission of becoming 'old.' Once you combine all of those factors, it can be pretty depressing for the individual.

The best advice I can give is face up to the problem right away, and address it with hearing aids as early as possible. Modern hearing aids can make a massive improvement to a life, and the sooner one tackles a problem, the better the results are likely to be.

[kevels55]

I thank you all for your comments folks, tis interesting that we all have preconceived ideas on what mental health is! I spoke to my Doctor/ Physician many times with regards to depression, but the first occasion hit me between the eyes as it was the most memorable! Now you must understand, me and my Doctor are on first name terms and we are more like good friends/buddies than a client/ patient relationship and we have an excellent rapport:D I believe we all have a built-in defensive mechanism, we try to hide from friends and family if we are ill, we often try to hide it from ourselves............. Back to the fist time I spoke to my Doctor about my depression, his first words were, "I was wondering when you would come and speak to me about this"! and me thinking to myself, my god, was it that obvious? The stigma attached to mental health is wrong, far too many people suffer in silence; IMHO, it is seen as a sign of weakness, but it is an illness and like any other illness, with the correct support, perhaps medication and guidance, it can be cured!

Cheers Kev:D

[lohearn]

I am one of the milder hearing loss people here on the boards. I had perfect hearing until I fell a year ago. Came to and discovered that everything was quieter and garbled on the left side. At the ER I was told that my hearing would probably improve as the swelling on the left side of my head subsided. Ten days later it had not improved.

I don't socialize like I used to, it's just too exhausting. I'm not a recluse, but I don't go out as much as I used to. The hearing I do have in my left ear is very distorted, it's not just softer. What I do hear, I'll use a human voice for instance, is like people talking have all inhaled helium. If I'm washing dishes in the sink and have the water running that sound is so loud, like extremely loud static, on the left side that I can barely make out someone speaking to me on my right side.

I did slip in to a depression. It affected my job, it affected my home life and definitely affected my social life. I still don't go out to eat as often as I used to, and the socialization I do do is with close friends who know my situation and they are more patient and accepting of my new reality. This was my first Christmas with my hearing loss. We all go to my aunt's home and there are about 20 people there. It was so difficult to follow along in the group discussions.

I still get down every now and then but I am doing better than I was.

[byline]

Sue,

I have also asked myself that question, as to whether I'm loner because of my hearing loss or because I was a loner as a child? My mom always said, I was happiest entertaining myself with my nose in a book, and in high school I chose not to go to the local hangout with the other kids, but home to do my chores and homework. I lost my hearing at age 18, 50 yrs ago to an ototoxic antibiotic.

I really do like people and can be sociable but,..... on my terms.

: )
Yup, going way back, I too was happiest with my nose in a book (or, going waaay back, with my imaginary friend). We don't know what caused my hearing loss. It was first detected when I was in third grade. My family moved, and that school system had mandatory hearing tests for all students, so that was the first time we learned of it.

I've seen four different audiologists in the past few months, and they all have slightly different takes on what might have caused it. One thinks it was noise-induced, another thinks my inner-ear bone structure might have something to do with it, and the other two think it's most likely congenital (I was born prematurely). Fortunately, the treatment doesn't rely on the cause.;)

My hearing loss definitely impacted my performance in school. Even though it was known that I had hearing loss, I don't recall any accommodations being made for it. I was treated like any other student, placed in the classroom according to my last name (it began with a T, meaning that I often sat at the back/last row of the classroom), and expected to learn like anyone else. I recall falling behind many times, especially in subjects that involved abstract concepts (algebra, music theory, etc.), and once I fell behind, I was unable to catch up. That gave me a sense of myself as being stupid. Because I formed that self-image early on, it's been hard to get rid of it.

Mainly because of my hearing loss, I gravitated toward writing as my career. Writing, of course, enables us to process and communicate our thoughts clearly, without the problem of miscommunication that hearing loss can bring. But writing professionally also means that it can't always be done in isolation. I worked as a newspaper reporter for 10 years, and have been writing freelance ever since. In situations where I am interviewing someone face-to-face, it usually goes quite well. But in other situations (covering an event or meeting, for example), a lot of things can get in the way of my understanding.

For that reason, I have always recorded my interviews and/or the events that I covered. But it also makes me a slower writer than others. I remember one time when an editor at the paper I worked for confronted me on this. He felt it was a drawback that I relied on my tape recorder, and that I was using it as a crutch. Because it was taking me so long to write my stories, I faced being fired, and that nearly devastated me, because I had no idea what else I could do. The next day, we had a talk about this, and I reminded him of my hearing loss, and that this was why I needed my tape recorder. He understood, and it was never an issue after that. But it was quite an emotional experience for me, having to figure out why I needed that tape recorder. It wasn't because I doubted my writing ability, or my ability to discern what the story was, but simply because I could never be confident that I had understood everything correctly.

[prodigyplace]

I am one of the milder hearing loss people here on the boards. I had perfect hearing until I fell a year ago. Came to and discovered that everything was quieter and garbled on the left side. At the ER I was told that my hearing would probably improve as the swelling on the left side of my head subsided. Ten days later it had not improved.

I don't socialize like I used to, it's just too exhausting. I'm not a recluse, but I don't go out as much as I used to. The hearing I do have in my left ear is very distorted, it's not just softer. What I do hear, I'll use a human voice for instance, is like people talking have all inhaled helium. If I'm washing dishes in the sink and have the water running that sound is so loud, like extremely loud static, on the left side that I can barely make out someone speaking to me on my right side.

I did slip in to a depression. It affected my job, it affected my home life and definitely affected my social life. I still don't go out to eat as often as I used to, and the socialization I do do is with close friends who know my situation and they are more patient and accepting of my new reality. This was my first Christmas with my hearing loss. We all go to my aunt's home and there are about 20 people there. It was so difficult to follow along in the group discussions.

I still get down every now and then but I am doing better than I was.
I really sympathize with you and have been interested in following your progress as you have updated us.

It must be much more difficult to be suddenly thrust into a hearing problem than to have it creep up gradually.

Please continue to keep us updated on your journey.

[byline]

I really sympathize with you and have been interested in following your progress as you have updated us.

It must be much more difficult to be suddenly thrust into a hearing problem than to have it creep up gradually.

Please continue to keep us updated on your journey.
Absolutely. I think one of the reasons why I have been relatively accepting of my condition is because it's always been with me. It's hard to miss what you've never had (even though I know that there are situations where it creates hardship for me). But to have good hearing, and then have that stolen from you, must be devastating because you know what you lost.:(

[DeafKD]

Some years ago, there was a provocative work published which argued that the health problems of many African-Americans in low-income groups were compounded by racism. In other words, it was not just poverty, or compromised access to health care, but the effect of racism on one's everyday psychological health that had an impact on physical well-being. I believe it.

Audism certainly impacts our mental health, doesn't it? If one is stigmatized, treated differently, discriminated against, et cetera, then one is gonna be prone to depression, anxiety, and even physical illness caused by the cumulative effect of a thousand tiny cuts.

I recommend going to the gym, playing CK Zombies, and recognizing that we're a golden contribution to the world, not a hindrance.

Still have my down days, though.

[lohearn]

Absolutely. I think one of the reasons why I have been relatively accepting of my condition is because it's always been with me. It's hard to miss what you've never hard (even though I know that there are situations where it creates hardship for me). But to have good hearing, and then have that stolen from you, must be devastating because you know what you lost.:(

I really sympathize with you and have been interested in following your progress as you have updated us.

It must be much more difficult to be suddenly thrust into a hearing problem than to have it creep up gradually.

Please continue to keep us updated on your journey.

Thanks. My son has otosclerosis in his left ear. He said the same thing, he's just used to it. He has perfect hearing in his right ear and his last audiogram looks similar to mine in the left ear, just a little better. And he's had many years to adjust and adapt slowly. Right now he's not interested in having surgery, he'll be 18 in a few months and when he's ready he can make the decision for himself.

Have to admit that I had no clue how much hearing loss affected life in general, and I live with a son who has otosclerosis. He told me that most of the time it's not a big issue for him. And other times he says he just smiles and nods when he knows he didn't hear something. Honestly I'm not sure he's told all of his friends that he has a hearing issue. For me, it was quite a surprise how much my hearing loss has impacted my life. I know there are others who have things much worse than I do so I try and keep that in perspective. It could have been worse, I could have done more damage than I did, so I'm grateful that I wasn't hurt more than I was.

[byline]

For me, it was quite a surprise how much my hearing loss has impacted my life. I know there are others who have things much worse than I do so I try and keep that in perspective. It could have been worse, I could have done more damage than I did, so I'm grateful that I wasn't hurt more than I was.
Exactly. Especially coming to this forum, I realize how fortunate I am. It could be worse. Having said that, I think I have had low-level anxiety for much of my life. Chicken or the egg? Who knows. Anyway, I'm of an age where I experience "tropical" moments on a regular basis. My doctor prescribed a low-dose medication to help with that, and the difference is amazing. I didn't realize how much anxiety had been controlling my life till the medication eased it, making room for many more positive emotions. The change has been quite amazing!

[rashkolnikov]

Thank you all for sharing and let me just preface all this with saying how fortunate I was to have 30 years of good hearing, to have been able to make and enjoy so much good (and some bad) music, to have enjoyed movies and television and so many conversations and memories.

Yeah, it hurts to lose all that (or not to experience it to anywhere near the full extent), but it's better to have heard and lost then never to have heard at all. :rolleyes:

The constant shadow of my loss hangs over me now, however, and I fear the effects that'll have on my mind. Like so many of you have said, I go in trepidation where I used to be bold. I work in a dead-end job because I cannot interview, am afraid to move to a new location and meet all new people (which used to be a great excitement and motivation for me), and though my current job is a bit boring and frustrating (though the salary keeps me on), I'm unable to do it as well as I used to and in constant fear of losing it. Along with the daily struggle to understand conversation, it's the stress of competing with the hearing in a hearing world, the limiting of my previous creative outlets and dreams, that causes me to be so much more at risk of anxiety, depression, and according to a recent study, dementia and Alzheimer's as well.

I know, I know, Kevels55, "man the f*ck up, get over it, get on with it." You're right. I need to confront my loss, get new hobbies, new dreams, a new career. Yup, I want to. I've started studying ASL, but just online and it's good but I'll never become even slightly fluent at this rate. Technology may be able to do a little more for me too. Joining some kind of hearing loss/deaf support/social group would be great. However, I'm cut off from all that because I work in Japan. I'm postponing really doing the things I need to in order need to keep collecting a paycheck because as much as I fear the worsening of my hearing and its effects on my mind, I fear returning to America with no health insurance at a time when even the most able cannot find work.

So I keep on smiling and nodding. At least we have this message board to sound off on and it's been very helpful, so thank you all for listening.

[iceman0486]

The whole issue of mental health, at least in the US gets skewed by lack of education (IMHO) and misinformation. Hearing gets relegated to this “well, they can just talk louder” or “do without” attitude, but the impacts of it are so very real. I feel like hearing professionals, both audiologists and specialists kind of fall down on the job of offering therapy along with the technology of hearing aids.
<O:p
I get patients in all the time that seem withdrawn and depressed, and their family keeps asking me if the REALLY need a hearing aid, because they just sit at home and watch TV. What do they need to hear for? I try and gently ask them if the person in question sits at home because that’s what they want to do, or have they withdrawn from everything because it is too hard to participate like they once did? I’ve actually been suggesting this forum to some of my more internet literate patients, since there is a great support network here. <O:p
<O:p
The thing that really gets me up in the morning is that occasional patient that lights up when they can hear again – the formerly cranky withdrawn lady that started going to church again and going out with her friends, out laughing and enjoying life. They’re few and far between, but it makes it worth every cranky patient I deal with. Good luck dealing with your loss rashkolnikov, and remember that we are here to offer what support we can, either just encouragement or technical advice.<O:p</O:p

[corey]

I would have to say in my personal case it wasn't the hearing loss that compromised my mental health.

I was a CARE FREE HAPPY kid, even when I started loosing my hearing around 4-5 loss wasn't discovered till 5ish.

My mental health was compromised by peers. This is medical fact. All though not documented because society does not want to accept responsibility for it nor want to correct the problems that lead to my exclusion and mental health issues.
Honestly who wants to admit wrong doing?

I started wearing aids before I started kindergarten. My first year, I was so severely picked on by peers for my differences. Also belittled and humiliated horribly by teachers who did not understand the needs of the hearing impaired. I became so terrified of school that Mom pulled me from the rest of the school year after only couple of months.

I was held back a year NOT BECAUSE of academic slowness normally associated with hearing loss, but because of how Others treated me.

My mom saw the change in my personality itself. I was no longer the carefree happy kid she once knew. I had withdrawn and was worried and scared of everything. I got angry easily Cried a lot. My world had been shattered. It wasn't my hearing loss that did it. I had accepted it when I had been a carefree happy kid.

The kids would literally get in my face calling me all kinds of nasty names. When I tried to get away they followed constantly taunting me. I have had my aids yanked from my ears and thrown across the room. Because my peers decided I didn't belong. If they didn't outright take the aids out of my ears they would constantly flip the BTE from out behind my ear so it would dangle from the tubing. Going to the teachers never helped. Because the teachers wouldn't stop it it only empowered to kids to do worse now that they KNEW they could literally get away with it. From that day on I literally became the school's "punching bag"

The teachers in the beginning that knew nothing of how to teach hearing impaired kids would force us to do the same as everyone else. Example in preschool, we sit in the ring play only hearing based games such as whispering messages around the circle to teach about rumors. I kept insisting I can't play it because I literally could not hear whisper even with the aids. I was severely belittled told do it anyway etc. I tried to run out of the room because I was in a teacher centered gang of people with students snicker about how I was being singled out to do something that was PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for me to do. Teacher aids would try to block me from running away or if I managed to get out of the class room to try to hide I would get dragged back kicking and screaming for my life.
I was literally tortured with no physical marks being left on my body as proof.

specially trained HI teachers NEVER did any of the things that normal teachers did that tortured me. The normal teacher kept at it up to high school.

I have had my hair light on fire and my arm broken in 2 separate incidents in junior high. Neither student was expelled. If it had happened to a normal kid they would have been expelled for doing those kinds of things.
We even had a rule in the books that students doing severe bodily harm to another is grounds for immediate expulsions. It did not happen because of WHO was injured. Both incidents were completely unprovoked. Lets just say the severity of the action would have landed both kids in juvenile hall if happened today to a normal kid.

In high school they did the opposite. COMPLETE EXCLUSION. Total refusal to even group in class unless the teacher forced them And if said teacher did do that then the students made me do all the work for the group alone while they got credit for doing nothing. Oh how I wanted to walk out of the class... Thing is it had nothing to do with my intelligence level. Even in the groups When I was forced to do the work myself I would NOT LET THEM BEAT ME. I did the work for passing grade without the groups help, Had no choice. Teacher refused to come up with something else that worked such as NOT forcing me into groups where I wasn't wanted. Despite all the crap I STILL GRADUATED TOP 1/5th of class with a hearing loss and learning disability. I was competing with honor society Not knowing it existed as part of the exclusion.

Over the years I was constantly told things would get better in adulthood. It DID NOT. Now the bullying was done silently which is more destructive to one reputation and ability to preform. I know it happened is on several occasions I have had Normal co-workers Flat out lie about my work performance behind my back That eventually lead management to demote or fire me. I happened to be standing there on several occasions when the person lying was doing it not knowing I was standing silently right behind them.

It was hard enough that when I turned 26 and started to have heart trouble from food additive chemicals(industrial chemicals nothing to do with actual food like MSG) Which lead me to have closed heart surgery week after dad had open heart surgery and 3 weeks before that grand father had pacemaker installed. I had developed a severe case of ATYPICAL PANIC DISORDER.

8th grade nearly suicide from the torture I was put through. 10th grade 3 months in psychiatric ward. along with various out patient care nad psychology.

Trained service cat for 6 years I trained him for alerting both hearing and for the atypical and service animal induced tactile stimulation. like he bit me gently on the nose. NO LONGER ALLOWED TO USE HIM because of the $%^&#@$ political caving to business convenience over my civil rights.
So if it hadn't been for NORMAL people I NEVER would of had mental health issues. I would have also have become one of the TOP engineers in the USA in "fuzzy logic robotics" for those of you who do not know what fuzzy logic robotics is, its robots that can problem solve to preform complex tasks in the real world setting, It is also tech used in bionic limbs or smart limbs.

I am bitter of so called NORMAL people. psychologists keep telling me what happened to me is most likely because Normal people feared what I was capable of. I was competing with people that by normal standards I had NO right to be competing with. I tested OUT of the LD program with many categories testing at 4th and 5th year college(Not community college) level in 11th grade. Testing out of LD is RARE! Many of the teachers I dealt with said I was the first ever they have know personally.
My school file in cap letters and underlined said EXTREME under achiever.

I even manged to go to a High school that DID NOT have an official HI program.

There is a LOT more but I got the core of how my mental health problems are NOT because of my hearing loss but a RESULT of so CALLED NORMAL PEOPLE behavior towards me.

Atypical panic is the official reason for disability that prevents me from working.(NOT my hearing loss) This is squarely on the shoulders of so called normal people torturing me for decades.

Atypical panic I have is cause by psychological injury HARM DONE TO MY BY OTHERS that have scarred me for life. Like a car accident or war trauma. Without the physical scars as proof. My scars are inside.

I am a loner. To me its a matter of survival. I don't like being alone but I really don't have a lot of choice with all the scarring and EXCLUSION AND TORTURE BY SOCIETY.. There is only 1 person currently in my life right now that I actually "trust", my current psychologist. He earned it by helping me get Nighty my cat officially declared as a service animal through "service animal registry of America"
He based this upon the actions of nighty's performing tasks in real world setting.

Nighty had total of 6 years of constant training by me. Including being in an ambulance twice and ER and hospital setting, many times, where people are moving rapidly all around and over him with all kinds of strange things and painfully loud noises (ambulance sirens and other medical warning devices..) NOT ONCE HAS HE EVER FREAKED OUT. He hunkers down when he was distressed but never lashed out at those around him. MAYO fundamentally changed their view of service animals after that. Before us they wanted to exclude and NOT acknowledge service animals even taking acquaintance of mine to the legal system over his service dog to fight it.

Mayo will never openly acknowledge that they had started out excluding service animals and my and nighty's influence on their view of service animals. End results is MAYO is a lot more friendly to those with service animals than they were 10 years ago. That's all that matters to me.

One of the keys that really needs to be looked at and compiled is HOW their mental health deteriorated. I am almost positive that most of the cases was induced on them by how other people treated and excluded the "HI" people.




Mich shu and others I am seriously Not in the mood for you all to harass me telling me how much of a nut or conspiracist you guys think I am, back off. This post is directly relevant to the OP Hearing impaired people having mental health issues. In my case MENTAL INJURY I do not have an organic illness or chemical imbalance, which is why I do not respond to anti depressants or anti psychotics. YOU ARE NOT QUALIFIED TO PASS JUDGEMENT ON MY MENTAL HEALTH. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT IN THAT THIS CRAP WAS AND IS MY REAL LIFE. One of the big things that defines a nut and such is they don't know they are and they never question whether they are one or not. This is widely agreed upon by the professionals. Meaning I did not come up with it its there view. http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm#PTSD,%20PDSD%20and%20bullying
Quote: "Note: there has recently been a trend amongst some psychiatric professionals to label people suffering Complex PTSD as a exhibiting a personality disorder, especially Borderline Personality Disorder. This is not the case - PTSD, Complex or otherwise, is apsychiatric injury (http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm#Differences) and nothing to do with personality disorders. If there is an overlap, then Borderline Personality Disorder (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bpd.htm) should be regarded as a psychiatric injury, not a personality disorder. If you encounter a psychiatrist, psychologist or other mental health professional who wants to label your Complex PTSD as a personality disorder, change to another, more competent professional. "

The Following is a quote from the link as well and aptly describes my actions on this site, where you have accused me of being several things I am not. I been teaching people for past 6 years about this and now I have actually found someone else who has actually documented it in words.
Almost every one of these describe me WORD FOR WORD. I started crying reading through this, this was not on this site the last time I was there about 6 years ago. Someone has finally put into words what I been voicing all along for the past 8-10 years
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Psychiatric injury
~the cause is easily identifiable and verifiable, but denied by those who are accountable(burned hair, broken arm dragged back to class kicking and screaming for escape etc etc etc lack of expulsion for parties involved etc etc etc Man I really am not liking the so called normal people.)

~the person is often articulate but prevented from articulation by being traumatised (yea that is me can see it plain as day my referance to people viewing me as bumbling idiot when talking face to face that I have made here on site.)

~the person is obsessive, especially in relation to identifying the cause of their injury and both dealing with the cause and effecting their recovery(this is the self constant examination I put my self through askin if I am crazy is it irrational and every spectrum of the rainbow.)

~the person is in a state of acute self-awareness and aware of their state, but often unable to explain it (yea that hit it right on the nose till this I was having a hard time describing it to people here on this site and to others partially because I didn't have a established written form of till now I been having all these points in my head for past 6+ years not sure how to get people who never experienced it to understand what I was thinking about it. )

~the depression is reactive; the chemistry is different to endogenous depression(my depression would be gone within days of the situation changing. mental illness depression takes months or years to get over it due to imbalance in brain chemicals.)

~there is very often no history of depression in the individual or their family

~often there is no history of mental health problems

~responds empathically to the needs and concerns of others, despite their own injury (If I see others in distress I jump to help St peters tornado 98 is good example. Or if I see others being bullied I get right in the bullies face even if it could cost me my life or well being. volunteering for farmers market advisory board even though it will put me under a lot of stress and pain, related to the injury. The benefit to our community to have a farmers market that is adaptable to the struggles we will face in the very near future is too important to my community to ignore it)

~is often highly sceptical about their condition and circumstances and is in a state of disbelief and bewilderment which they will easily and often articulate ("I can't believe this is happening to me" and "Why me?" - click here (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/bully.htm#Why) for the answer)(this aptly describes my thread regarding the drug testing poor and violating their constitutional rights and HI people ability to pay for aids and other needed services)

~may experience an unusually heightened sense of vulnerability to possible victimisation (ie hypervigilance)

~suicidal thoughts are often a logical and carefully thought-out solution or conclusion (I was making rational pros and cons to why I should or should not suicide Which ever side had a longer list or more valid points decided whether I lived or dies)

~is driven by the anger of injustice

~looks forward to each new day as an opportunity to fight for justice

~refuses to be beaten, refuses to give up
(this is because of the previous 3 points. My unwillingness to back down from certain individuals on this site, when their attacks are directed at me personally and is not Constructive criticism of the posts.)

The following if you can truely comprehend complex issues you will understand the meaning of the following and their connections to my behavior and posting style here on this site.

People suffering Complex PTSD as a result of bullying report consistent symptoms which further help to characterise psychiatric injury and differentiate it from mental illness. These include:
Fatigue with symptoms of or similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/health.htm#CFS) (formerly ME)
An anger of injustice stimulated to an excessive degree (sometimes but improperly attracting the words "manic" instead of motivated, "obsessive" instead of focused, and "angry" instead of "passionate", especially from those with something to fear)
An overwhelming desire for acknowledgement, understanding, recognition and validation of their experience
A simultaneous and paradoxical unwillingness to talk about the bullying (clickhere (http://www.bullyonline.org/workbully/standup.htm) to see why) or abuse (click here (http://www.bullyonline.org/related/abuse.htm#Reporting%20abuse) to see why)
A lack of desire for revenge, but a strong motivation for justice
A tendency to oscillate between conciliation (forgiveness) and anger (revenge) with objectivity being the main casualty
Extreme fragility, where formerly the person was of a strong, stable character
Numbness, both physical (toes, fingertips, and lips) and emotional (inability to feel love and joy)
Clumsiness
Forgetfulness
Hyperawareness and an acute sense of time passing, seasons changing, and distances travelled
An enhanced environmental awareness, often on a planetary scale
An appreciation of the need to adopt a healthier diet, possibly reducing or eliminating meat - especially red meat
Willingness to try complementary medicine and alternative, holistic therapies, etc
A constant feeling that one has to justify everything one says and does
A constant need to prove oneself, even when surrounded by good, positive people
An unusually strong sense of vulnerability, victimisation or possible victimisation, often wrongly diagnosed as "persecution"
Occasional violent intrusive visualisations
Feelings of worthlessness, rejection, a sense of being unwanted, unlikeable and unlovable
A feeling of being small, insignificant, and invisible
An overwhelming sense of betrayal, and a consequent inability and unwillingness to trust anyone, even those close to you
In contrast to the chronic fatigue, depression etc, occasional false dawns with sudden bursts of energy accompanied by a feeling of "I'm better!", only to be followed by a full resurgence of symptoms a day or two later
Excessive guilt - when the cause of PTSD is bullying, the guilt expresses itself in forms distinct from "survivor guilt"; it comes out as:


an initial reluctance to take action against the bully and report him/her knowing that he/she could lose his/her job
later, this reluctance gives way to a strong urge to take action against the bully so that others, especially successors, don't have to suffer a similar fate
reluctance to feel happiness and joy because one's sense of other people's suffering throughout the world is heightened
a proneness to identifying with other people's suffering
a heightened sense of unworthiness, undeservingness and non-entitlement (some might call this shame)
a heightened sense of indebtedness, beholdenness and undue obligation
a reluctance to earn or accept money because one's sense of poverty and injustice throughout the world is heightened
an unwillingness to take ill-health retirement because the person doesn't want to believe they are sufficiently unwell to merit it
an unwillingness to draw sickness, incapacity or unemployment benefit to which the person is entitled
an unusually strong desire to educate the employer and help the employer introduce an anti-bullying ethos, usually proportional to the employer's lack of interest in anti-bullying measures
a desire to help others, often overwhelming and bordering on obsession, and to be available for others at any time regardless of the cost to oneself
an unusually high inclination to feel sorry for other people who are under stress, including those in a position of authority, even those who are not fulfilling the duties and obligations of their position (which may include the bully) but who are continuing to enjoy salary for remaining in post [hint: to overcome this tendency, every time you start to feel sorry for someone, say to yourself "sometimes, when you jump in and rescue someone, you deny them the opportunity to learn and grow"]

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Maybe with this new info I would be wondering how many of the HI people actually have true mental illness or if what they truly suffer is a psychiatric injury.
I am in the second category.

[seb]

Corey,
I have witnessed everything you said in your post first hand as a teacher. I taught school for 5 years and witnessed things done to mentally challenged kids, deaf kids and even blind kids; this included taunting, teasing, hitting and tripping to name a few. Some schools came down hard on the offenders, such as: suspending or expelling them and some did little to nothing to them, and if they did anything to them it might amount to 15 min. of garbage pick up, which the kid given the "punishment" laughed at. However, if you met the parent or parents of these bullies it was usually apparent why the kid acted the way they did. Today with mainstreaming I've been told it's handled a lot more strictly than it used to be. Teachers I know tell me they have a zero tolerance to bullying and kids caught are dealt with severely, but the key word here is caught, unless someone witnesses the act or the kid being bullied turns in the culprit nothing will be done. If caught most schools will suspend first time offenders and it takes repeated acts before an expulsion happens, why is it done this way? Money, as long as that kids rear end is in a seat the district and the school get money from the state to have him there. It is also an admission of failure on the administration when they have to expel someone and they don't want to admit they failed. The one thing I have learned in life is that bullies grow up and continue their "proud" tradition in adult hood and pass bullying on to their kids unless something awakens them and they change, but this rarely happens.
As for your being teased in school I had a similar experience but no where near the level you had to endure. All during elementary school we had hearing tests in 2nd, 4th, 6th and finally 8th grade, I never passed one of those test and had to leave class to be retested several times after failing the first time before a letter was sent home to my parents. Each time the kids that failed were taunted for days and weeks after as being deaf or kids would yell into your ears and nothing was ever said to them to stop the behavior. My hearing was never bad enough to require HA during school so after a while these kids would move on to bully other kids so they could feel superior to them for a brief time before they moved onto someone else. To this day every time I have a hearing test I get nervous and almost have a panic attack, so I do understand where you are coming from. All I can tell you is to turn the other cheek because if you respond to them in any way, they win and will continue with the bullying, and the way you win is by ignoring them and go on with your life and be the best you can be and show them that they can't bring you down. Good luck!

[corey]

The whole issue of mental health, at least in the US gets skewed by lack of education (IMHO) and misinformation. Hearing gets relegated to this “well, they can just talk louder” or “do without” attitude, but the impacts of it are so very real. I feel like hearing professionals, both audiologists and specialists kind of fall down on the job of offering therapy along with the technology of hearing aids.
<o:p
I get patients in all the time that seem withdrawn and depressed, and their family keeps asking me if the REALLY need a hearing aid, because they just sit at home and watch TV. What do they need to hear for? I try and gently ask them if the person in question sits at home because that’s what they want to do, or have they withdrawn from everything because it is too hard to participate like they once did? I’ve actually been suggesting this forum to some of my more internet literate patients, since there is a great support network here. <o:p</o
<o:p
The thing that really gets me up in the morning is that occasional patient that lights up when they can hear again – the formerly cranky withdrawn lady that started going to church again and going out with her friends, out laughing and enjoying life. They’re few and far between, but it makes it worth every cranky patient I deal with. Good luck dealing with your loss rashkolnikov, and remember that we are here to offer what support we can, either just encouragement or technical advice.<o:p</o

I strongly encourage you read this http://www.bullyonline.org/stress/ptsd.htm#Differences regarding "psychological injury" there is definite connection of exclusion and bullying. This can cause mental injury. Thus the light up of the patient when they can hear again, because they regained hope, that they won't be excluded or bullied or harassed. The phrase the HI person would use is "All I want is to be accepted" or variation of it.

I know I have personally said that phrase MANY times over the years.
</o</o

[corey]

Corey,
I have witnessed everything you said in your post first hand as a teacher. I taught school for 5 years and witnessed things done to mentally challenged kids, deaf kids and even blind kids; this included taunting, teasing, hitting and tripping to name a few. Some schools came down hard on the offenders, such as: suspending or expelling them and some did little to nothing to them, and if they did anything to them it might amount to 15 min. of garbage pick up, which the kid given the "punishment" laughed at. However, if you met the parent or parents of these bullies it was usually apparent why the kid acted the way they did. Today with mainstreaming I've been told it's handled a lot more strictly than it used to be. Teachers I know tell me they have a zero tolerance to bullying and kids caught are dealt with severely, but the key word here is caught, unless someone witnesses the act or the kid being bullied turns in the culprit nothing will be done. If caught most schools will suspend first time offenders and it takes repeated acts before an expulsion happens, why is it done this way? Money, as long as that kids rear end is in a seat the district and the school get money from the state to have him there. It is also an admission of failure on the administration when they have to expel someone and they don't want to admit they failed. The one thing I have learned in life is that bullies grow up and continue their "proud" tradition in adult hood and pass bullying on to their kids unless something awakens them and they change, but this rarely happens.
As for your being teased in school I had a similar experience but no where near the level you had to endure. All during elementary school we had hearing tests in 2nd, 4th, 6th and finally 8th grade, I never passed one of those test and had to leave class to be retested several times after failing the first time before a letter was sent home to my parents. Each time the kids that failed were taunted for days and weeks after as being deaf or kids would yell into your ears and nothing was ever said to them to stop the behavior. My hearing was never bad enough to require HA during school so after a while these kids would move on to bully other kids so they could feel superior to them for a brief time before they moved onto someone else. To this day every time I have a hearing test I get nervous and almost have a panic attack, so I do understand where you are coming from. All I can tell you is to turn the other cheek because if you respond to them in any way, they win and will continue with the bullying, and the way you win is by ignoring them and go on with your life and be the best you can be and show them that they can't bring you down. Good luck!


I should mention when you mentioned the home-life of the bullies. It jarred the memory of my worst tormenter. Eric suicide in 11th grade, gun to the face at home in his living room. 7 years of unrelenting torment just suddenly stopped like a light switch. I was disgusted how everyone was saying he was an awesome kind guy etc. All I did was tell the truth about him , all I said were the incidents he cornered me to torment me and the frequency etc, Not once did I call him a name other than that he was a bully plain and simple. Got flamed for it for my troubles. So I totally understand what your saying about bully home-life and failure of the administration. There is so much more but my post was getting too long and I left a lot out.

I have spent decades analyzing it all. even to the point at occasion justifying the wrong doers actions. I have run scenarios of how could done things differently to help me view new perspectives. forward, backwards, from others shoes, example from the shoes of the standby people that just watched and did nothing. I have thought every aspect I could think of why or why not for their actions. If they had stepped in could they have been target for future bullying etc.

also the girl I talked about in the esteem thread listed under hearing aids.......

as far as responding I didn't, I Ignored it, tried to walk away That is why I said I became the schools "punching bag" literally. My lack of response egged them on. Only thing I did as protect my head from injury. My mother and school even forbid me from defending myself. See that is the one thing bullies fear most of all, their victims growing a "back bone"/"courage" and defending themselves.

As the main link I provided pointed out is bullies fear other people realizing their inadequacies. More than all else.

see one of the things I will absolutely never do is compromise my ethical and moral values. Its one of the few strong points I have left.

Will never compromise my work ethics. I have actually had non bully coworkers say to my face as kind of joke and pointed nudge, "your making us look bad." All I ever did is work hard and expected others to do the same, but not more than I in that would be hypocritical of me..

I been spared the audiology trauma you went through, MAYO been very kind to me.

Only audiology one that was traumatizing was the first and ONLY one my dad went too with me. He asked the doc the worst possible question, once I was fitted with new aids. "Is his hearing fixed?" real meaning behind the question was "is he normal now?" in reality at current knowledge you can't fix hearing when there is damage to the inner ear and nerve.(he knew that or I thought he did) Either that or it was PURE DUMB IGNORANCE of the worst kind. especially when your suppose to be well informed on long standing family medical conditions.

I don't mean to seam to devalue your post any, really appreciate it. Just memories were jarred reading your reply.

[grannyhears]

Kevels55,

You share some poignant moments in your life that some of us severe/profound loss sufferers can identify with. I do believe we at some point have mental health problems that we either overcome.... or don't.

I think the first step is accepting the loss, then, what am I going to do about it? Once the next step of getting all the equipment in place and learning to use it has been accomplished, and the difficulties of not understanding the spoken word still remain, we are left with, uh oh, this is the rest of my life, now what?? That's when the panic sets in and the "mental health"problems arrive. I don't think I spend too much time being depressed, but I sure do live with anxiety, every time I have to be around a person to communicate.


Telling the person you are talking with that you are hearing impaired makes them anxious, even after telling them how to communicate with you, I can feel their anxiety, therefore increasing mine. It's just all so difficult and exhausting, making being away from people a sought after experience.

I will never give up though, combining some communication with solitude. I do avoid large groups unless absolutely necessary.

My empathy to all those with profound losses.

My audiogram


L R
250hz 70 70
500hz 80 80
1000hz 95 95
1500hz 110 110
2000 NR NR
4000 NR NR
8000 NR NR

Thank you for sharing this profound message! You've put into words all the thoughts/feelings I've been unable to organize & express in my many years of profound hearing loss.

[kevels55]

Sue,

I have also asked myself that question, as to whether I'm loner because of my hearing loss or because I was a loner as a child? My mom always said, I was happiest entertaining myself with my nose in a book, and in high school I chose not to go to the local hangout with the other kids, but home to do my chores and homework. I lost my hearing at age 18, 50 yrs ago to an ototoxic antibiotic.

I really do like people and can be sociable but,..... on my terms.

: )

Having reread this thread.................. I have to say I have sometimes questioned my own way of life Sandra, suffice to say I can relate to much of your sentiments! I hope life is being kind................

Kev X

[Sandra]

Corey, I am so sorry you were treated that way at such a young age. I believe every word of your post and understand how it affected your mental health. Your personality was just being formed at age 5 and you were belittled and cut down, such shameful actions on the part of your schoolmates and teachers.

I have no answers for such actions, it goes on today as we hear on the newscasts about the bullying. It seems it will go on forever.

I was a late teenager when I lost my hearing so was never bullied in my social circle or work life.

Again, very, very sorry it ruined your life. Do take care. Wishing you all the best!

Sandra

[corey]

Corey, I am so sorry you were treated that way at such a young age. I believe every word of your post and understand how it affected your mental health. Your personality was just being formed at age 5 and you were belittled and cut down, such shameful actions on the part of your schoolmates and teachers.

I have no answers for such actions, it goes on today as we hear on the newscasts about the bullying. It seems it will go on forever.

I was a late teenager when I lost my hearing so was never bullied in my social circle or work life.

Again, very, very sorry it ruined your life. Do take care. Wishing you all the best!

Sandra
Thanks Sandra for the empathy

Writing what I had wrote had caused a lot of old wound to reopen. I talked to my Psychologist this afternoon, I hadn't cried in one of my appointments in quite some time. All I can say is he was moved and struggling. because he couldn't help.

I also had confirmed through him, if those kids that burned my hair and broke my arm had done it today to a normal kid they would have landed in the Juvenal state correction system.

He wished that I could be come a volunteer mentor/counselor for children going through bullying. Coming from him that says a lot because of what he specializes in. he also had done a lot of contract consulting with MAYO Clinic.
I would love to do that kind of work. Problem is most of the organizations that run those services only want those that have gone to college and have extensive behavioral training.

I do have the same training, but as the recipient end of said training. which by established folks don't want to recognize as such. To me the best people to help other is the people who went through it themselves.

Example i been to this camp for 7 years straight https://campolson.org/ I don't know of anyone else who had been there, more than me as a camper. my Shrink Lights up when I said that I had wished I could do this as a " "Staff" At least till I started running off why I didn't have a fat chance in hell in getting in and none of the reasons were because of me.. It goes back to "Exclusion."

I was also with the YMCA from earliest age to max age allowed for summer programs as recipient again. That is a lot of accumulation of experience though.

By the time, of the end of the session with the shrink, he almost broke his professionalism for the first time in more than 6 years, by hugging me, he patted me on the shoulder instead. I don't mind hugs, wish he Had. But I also realize He is VERY professional about his job. I don't think there is any rule saying they can't. Because I have had another one back at college who did.

Sandra have you considered that maybe the reason for being a loner was because of being excluded? One way to know is look back to childhood or your teens remember how many times other people didn't want you around or to hang out. If its a lot, before you stopped seeking companionship, then it was the exclusion for your being a loner.

I played with bugs, when I was excluded or constructed with legos when at home. Also spent a lot of time rescuing toads from 4 foot deep window sills in our neighborhood. probably saved 500-1000 toads 1 salamander, 2 mice maybe a Dozen frogs when it was wet season over 7 year span. Spent A LOT of time fishing by myself at a local park pond that no one really went to. pond was only a 30 by 50 feet or so, think the biggest fish I caught in that pond was like 5 inches long. Snickering really small hooks.

Lets just say I have racked a LOT of hours in a shrinks care along the way.

I just wish I could apply that experience, to helping others that went through what I have. As a "PAY IT FORWARD" belief system I have.

Why do humans make life so hard...?

Thanks again for your empathy. You do know what empathy is vs "feeling sorry" for someone"?

Took me a bit to figure What empathy means, when I first heard it years ago.

Corey

[birlyn]

A quick outline. I had normal hearing to 8 years of age, hearing deteriorated to profoundly deaf at 14 years. Stapledectomy operation on left ear and from there was classified as a hearing person. Went to normal country school then acquired a technical position where due to my concerns I chose to have my right ear operated as listening to engineers was confusing to say the least. Through 30 years of working in this field I seldom told my employer that I was hard of hearing. I chose to work in the Outback with a small group of people and coped pretty well. Didn't make friends easy if at all but in the Outback people were forced to socialise with people whether you wanted to or not.
Through pen friends I acquired an avenue to marriage which has worked out brilliantly. My problem is that I chose to live in the country of my wife so that her child could attend schooling as chosen. I have lived in this country the past 15 years. My hearing is such that it is said to be impossible to learn a new language. 15 years of being unable to communicate with anybody outside the family home as it is expected that all entering the country will speak the language...no excuses. All immigrants are entitled to 500 hours tuition to learn the language , this is deemed sufficient. I have been given 8000 hours and all I can do is read and write it. All hearing aides and accessories are provided at no cost which is a big plus. I have left and right ear Phonak aides and now will have surgery for Baha implants later this year.
As I have been unable to learn the language, I go to work where I work alone in a factory. I say good morning to my co-workers and my next comments are good-bye at the end of the day. When my family talk at home, amongst themselves, they speak their language and I am only spoken to when the subject they feel is something I should know or they want my feed back. My wife and I communicate always in english.
Recently I have been feeling depressed as I cannot communicate in any terms of satisfaction outside the home. While being deaf that is acceptable to a degree. But I am now beginning to feel I have pushed the limit.
I feel I am greatly reducing my wifes social activities.
Now I have begun to see a psychologist to explore my options. Mostly I see is as an escape...a way merely to talk to someone but with the possiblity hopefully of a solution.

My audiogram

Hz 125....250...500...1000...2000...4000...8000
L 50 50 55 30 55 70 75

R 50 55 45 30 50 75 90



Isn't it nice to be listed as a 'Junior Member at S..0years

[corey]

I "SEE you" birlyn. Our hearing is pretty close depending how you look at our audio-grams.

In your case I think you got hit the same way I did where our mental health is suffering from "EXCLUSION"

All I can say is STICK to the Psychologist, it may take more than one to find the right person. You really need someone who will listen and not judge or tell you what to do. I can't express how important it is to have someone to talk too when your so isolated as you feel and actually are.

It is NOT ESCAPISM talking to a psychologist. Ignoring that there is a problem is. I had finally found one that I like. 40 minutes a week to talk to him and vent my frustration even when we are unable to come up with a permanent solution. The talking to him itself is keeping me going. I been with him for more than 6 years now.

I am going to say, what I see, when you described your family situation.

I see that you want to be a part of the family deeply.
I see you try to go out of your way to communicate with them, by taking language courses, considering HOW much time you have put it.
What I have not seen other than your wife is the family is making no attempt to meet you half way."EXCLUSION"
I see you have taken DRASTIC ACTION ABOVE AND BEYOND with the surgeries.
I see the only thing marked against you is you never told coworkers you had difficulties, so they were unaware. Who knows maybe they would have gone out of their way to find a way to work it out to include you. Especially with the outback issue and its seclusion. Maybe they thought you were ignoring them, when you failed to respond to an inquiry. You would not know this because you failed to hear the inquiry to begin with.
Not unless they got in your face and asked you flat out why you were ignoring them not knowing about your hearing.

All the rest of the things you have done make this off mark at the end minor because of the extreme you went to fit in a hearing world that didn't want you to be a part unless you met them entirely on their terms.

Biggest grief you and I feel is no-one is really meeting us half way other than maybe your wife. That takes a big toll and why the psychologist is SO IMPORTANT. YOU DO NOT NEED MEDICATION. Your not a nut, your not insane, there really isn't anything wrong with you other than the bad hearing. What your feeling is COMPLETELY normal for the situation you find yourself in.

You mentioned reading and writing does that include the language that the family uses, you can't understand when listening too?

If it is, use your strengths get big eraser board and erasable markers and write the conversation out. Then it depends how far in the middle the family is willing to meet you.....

If your reading and writing is English only, then I am at a loss on how to get the family to meet you half way........

I am feeling a lot of "empathy" for you right now and my heart goes out to your struggles.

Take care of yourself.

Corey

[tortue]

@ birlyn
Do your wife and her child know how you feel? Do they know how much you wish you could hear what they are saying when talking among themselves? I ask because if they knew how much this is hurting you, I would hope they most likely would be willing to make an effort to include you, wether it is by speaking english, or writing things down, or however it can be done...

[Mick Shu]

When my family talk at home, amongst themselves, they speak their language very poor manners if you ask me.. couldn't the kids make an effort to learn some english? 800 or 8000 hours?
your numbers are way better than mine have the other ear operated on and get some good HP HAs. couldn't you BT something like Rosetta-Stone directly into both ears and pickup enough to get by..

[EnglishDispenser]

birlyn, your hearing loss numbers don't seem too bad ... so what exactly can you hear with aids - or not?

Re learning a foreign language:

1. It is VERY difficult with a hearing loss

2. If there is ANYTHING, however small, that you dislike about the language, the country, the people, the food, the weather etc then you will NOT be able to learn that language. (A linguist explained that to me: I can speak good German because I love the country and its people - but my French isn't so great .. although I can read it). That 8000 hours, if real, is a dead giveaway that deep down you don't want to play the game.

[corey]

birlyn, your hearing loss numbers don't seem too bad ... so what exactly can you hear with aids - or not?

Re learning a foreign language:

1. It is VERY difficult with a hearing loss

2. If there is ANYTHING, however small, that you dislike about the language, the country, the people, the food, the weather etc then you will NOT be able to learn that language. (A linguist explained that to me: I can speak good German because I love the country and its people - but my French isn't so great .. although I can read it). That 8000 hours, if real, is a dead giveaway that deep down you don't want to play the game.

following portion is regard to point number 2 in your post regarding language.

This is the counter point of you saying he doesn't want to try deep down, I am trying to show how and what he has done to show he has and is going out of his way to fit in and learn the language.
He has gone beyond most hard of hearing / deaf by doing surgery, which is more hazardous than spending 8000hrs trying to learn a language.
the 8000 hrs may not all be in a class room just listening and trying to learn and understand the language when family gather is also counted.

The following is why 8000hrs may not have been effective:
when it comes to hearing and speaking words. brain is already in overdrive trying to compensate for and trying to fill in the gaps
Then you add the problem of a language the brain never processed before during the critical learning stage in life.

The sheer drain on the brain and how exhausted we are after strenuous concentration in excess of 8 hrs a day. compounds the problems of having the extra energy to learn new languages.

point out he not alone:
I have not meet one deaf or hard of hearing including myself, that actually makes an effort, who isn't bone tired by the time they get home after a day in the hearing world. Especially when there is communication involved.

I couldn't even learn Spanish(which is the easiest to learn for those who speak English as native language). My head was physically spinning with the OVER concentration and I would have migraines every night. This was still during the later stages of development. NOT adulthood.

His hearing is a little lower than what mine was when I tried to learn Spanish in junior high. I did have aids in both ears at the time.

Point out he does actually have a motivator deep down:
his "wife and family" was the motivation you were saying he is lacking. I don't know what is more of a motivator than that....

Point is He can more tham problaby hold his own regarding point two of englishdespenser:
Birlyn sorry to step on englishdispenser toes for you :o

Replaced this comment with formal apology to englishdispensor for my inappropriate post when It was my fault for misunderstanding what he was getting at.
I apologize for my indecent behavior Please forgive me.

[EnglishDispenser]

corey, what ARE you talking about?

I was AGREEING that learning a foreign language is difficult.

corey, your 'professional victim' attitude is becoming a bit wearing. You seem to WANT to be part of the special EXCLUDED club. Well, let me tell you that we ALL have problems. Get used to yours.

[corey]

corey, what ARE you talking about?

I was AGREEING that learning a foreign language is difficult.

corey, your 'professional victim' attitude is becoming a bit wearing. You seem to WANT to be part of the special EXCLUDED club. Well, let me tell you that we ALL have problems. Get used to yours.

My apology stand corrected. will re-edit to refect the point two.

thing Is I do accept my difficulties, I don't know how many times I have said I am not perfect here.

I am not trying to make excuses for my actions with this next portion. I am just trying to explain my actions.

I am in PURE overdrive defense mode I am literally on the edge of survival and how society decides to burp, determines whether I am going to die or not.. This is not your fault personally.

This is my societies doing . My life is on a knife edge right now.

I been in the "excluded club" my entire life. Not fitting in hearing world and not fitting in the hearing impaired world either. This is reflected on what happened way back in my childhood to now, this has nothing to do with your use of the"exclusion club" comment.. I don't want it, its my life. I can't even get justice when I can prove beyond a doubt that my civil liberties and constitutional rights were violated many times. The way they were violated and lack of justice has to do with the EXCLUSION club.

I apologize again and will re-edit post to reflect my blunder you pointed out.

Corey

PS what do you mean by "professional victim"?

[Currently]

Corey, let me put this nicely.

You ... and everyone else has no control over other people, events or situations.

The only thing that one has control over is our perceptions and actions.

Key word is OUR ...

Any other choice is unhealthy, dysfunctional and toxic.

Everytime you point a finger, there are three fingers pointing right back at you.

Trying to mold the world into your perception is an exercise to insanity. Stepping back and changing oneself leads to recovery ... not the other way around.

It is your personal choice to live as a victim of society, circumstances, events and other people.

One can choose to be a victim or a survivor.

To do that, one needs to accept personal responsibility for ones actions and perceptions. This is accomplished by personal change and growth.

NOT by blaming society, companies, politics, weather, parents, teachers, bosses, family members, clergy, friends, enemies, sickness, problems ...

If this pisses you off, then there is truth in this and truth hurts.

The victim mentality is quite distasteful to be around. It is like pooping in your pants, you are the only one that feels it and everyone around you smells it.

Think about this for two weeks before responding ... it really needs to sink in.

[corey]

Currently: in the mean time I suggest you read about this topic and reflect on it in relation of your post to me.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victim_blaming

At this moment, I am not claiming victim status, because It is an extensive topic I intend to go into. there is "VICTIM" and there is "victim"

Your post was clearly stating, you thought I was viewing myself as a "victim". I am NOT that kind of "victim" this is based on decades of professional help and their views. These people are actually qualified to pass judgment and how too teach people how to recover on the long road to recovery. And its been a REAL LONG ROAD.

I am currently in process of responding to your post. I don't need two weeks to think about it. I been doing it for the past 30 years With the help of professionals from MAYO Clinic And other highly professional people here. There really is no better place to be for this kind of professional help, being it's a medical city.

I can definitely say right now I am NOT the little "victim" Honestly. as a fact, you do not have the necessary information and experience related to my case. In case of point, I have 32 years of files here located in this medical city. The profesionals I get help from, have access to all 32 years of my files.

enough to this post my main reply will be forth coming because there is going to be a lot of points linked too. and such I been doing my homework for 32 years...

For the rest of you folks I am going to sincerely apologize in advance for the length of the post to come

please do not pass judgment based on this reply for its just a post to Currently: "message received loud and clear" and "Main reply will be forthcoming."

Its just going to take some time to put it together.

Currently : the "victim"s you are referring too, do not have goals especially complex ones. I do.

Corey

PS if I was the "victim" you view me as thinking of my self, I would still be griping about my resound, and not doing anything about it. What you don't know, I been in the process of trying to get them replace since the moment I had signed up for membership here.

[Currently]

Announcing "i'm offended" is basically telling the world you can't control your own emotions, so everyone else should do it for you.

Can't put it any simpler than that.

[kittyhiggins]

Does any one have a solution to my problem? I have two HA and have some trouble with my ear pieces of my glasses, add oxygen canual and they all start to pop out. If I take my glasses off, the HA's come out, it is difficult to keep the HA , the glasses and the oxygen over my ears at the same time.After recent trip to hospital had much trouble trying to keep them from getting lost. How can I keep them together so they do not get lost?:mad:

[Currently]

You don't say what type of HA's you have.

I have RICs and lay my glasses on top locking the wire against my skin.

[corey]

kittyhiggins this post should be moved to the general hearing aid question area.

this is the mental health thread

[corey]

I am not bothering with continuing posting to this thread. after having a post related to exclusion removed as a core component as to "WHY" HI people have mental health issues.

I am not going to be rebutting your post currently because admin stepped in. All I can say is based on previous posts to mne by you prior to this so called nice post puts into doubt your sincerity of being nice to me. Because of the way you used those points out of context it was not a nice post at all , But an attempt to lay blame at my feet, for things I had no control of such as loosing my legal right to use service animal or actually being a "VICTIM" of arson to my physical body. etc. How I personally view this does not change the FACT IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. This has nothing at all to do with blame or whether I see myself as a "play victim". I was simply sharing experiences that has lead to the "COMPLEX PTSD" and "ATYPICAL PANIC" as result of exclusion and decades of abuse by peers. The content you posted has its place in healing, Just not used out of context referring to my specific situation.

If you had made those points with no reference to a specific case or person because of how it is out of context, then it would of had a proper place here.

The way it was posted leaves to many options of how each and every reader views it. since it was directed at me though specifically any reader not well versed in the proper context of your posts suggestions is going to draw the wrong conclusion. Which was your attempt to discredit anything I say based on my mental imbalance. Previous posts directed to me in other threads prior to post 38 is proof enough you been trying to discredit things I been saying by implying I am a nut or conspiricist etc or that I need serious medical mental health assistance. You have steadfastly IGNORE that I said I been seeing specialists cover a 30 year time frame and I am actually been seeing the same specialist weekly for past 6 years.

I am telling you to knock it off I especially do not appreciate hate posts that are covered as so called "nice" posts as a means of attack or discredit. These kinds of actions are the most damaging vs. outright flaming or bulling. I am basing this so called "nice post" as "not being nice" based on other replies to me and how many of them were flames vs actual criticism.

You have a right to your views and can say what you want so long as you do not actually harm another. Well you harmed me. And I am telling you to stop.

Mick Shu wasn't so bad because he was being so obvious about the flaming. I simply ignored him once he proven consistency in his flames. You on the other hand I consider more dangerous. based on your ability to hide attacks in "nice posts". At a glance it seem harmless but when you look at all the posts in context it paints an ugly picture.

[tortue]

@ Birlyn,

Your post really touched me. Too bad the conversation got way out of hand here right after you posted. I would love to know if things have improved for you. Does your family communicate more with you?

[cheap hearing aids]

Mental health and hearing loss. These two have been tied together for many years. I have looked at in depth the psychology of hearing loss. You can relate the findings similar to any other field where a perception of bodily dysfunction affects the mind set of the person. For example, think of the mental problems associated with eating disorders.
back to hearing:
There is also a lot of evidence to suggest that when in the persons life the problem occurred plays a large part as does how it was dealt with. A child who is not diagnosed with hearing problems early may be considered thick or stupid just because they were unable to hear what was going on. They may be disruptive due to boredom or is it just a cry for help?
Remember it was only just over a hundred years ago that deaf people were locked up in asylums for the insane.
It's right we treat a hearing loss as best we can, but we must also treat any psychological aspects as well.
End of lesson. :)

[alfy]

[QUOTE=Currently;79748]Announcing "i'm offended" is basically telling the world you can't control your own emotions, so everyone else should do it for you.


Cant believe that the world so so narrow minded when it comes to hearing loss even after 28 yrs of marriage.

[james22]

Results of hearing problems were mostly significant, but moderate in power. Results were more powerful among young (20-44 years) and middle-aged (45-64 years) than among older (65+ years) people. Lack of high or middle frequency hearing had very little effect on mental health actions if low frequency hearing wasn't also impaired. The best observed effect would be a change of 0.1 SD in mental health per 10 DB hearing problems.

[TScott27]

I have learned a lot here today. I can attest to being embarrassed in public and I do get hurt when family and friends would make fun of the way that I seem to stare in space and oblivious to my surroundings because of my inability to hear well. I do hope that people would be more considerate for those with physical inadequacies and that they would empathize rather than mock and make jokes out of it.

I also believe that mental problems are results (depression etc.) of hearing problems and not something that "go together" with hearing loss.

[Lau2046]

I have learned a lot here today. I can attest to being embarrassed in public and I do get hurt when family and friends would make fun of the way that I seem to stare in space and oblivious to my surroundings because of my inability to hear well. I do hope that people would be more considerate for those with physical inadequacies and that they would empathize rather than mock and make jokes out of it.

I also believe that mental problems are results (depression etc.) of hearing problems and not something that "go together" with hearing loss.


I'm really shocked that your family and friends would make fun of anything you do as a result of your hearing loss. I've thankfully never experienced that with my family. I'm learning disabled too so when I was in high school, my "best friend" had a nickname for me: "Dummy." You can imagine what that did to my self esteem.

I too had my share of embarrassing moments with my hearing loss; I recall not being able to understand what the teacher had asked me during class when she was speaking with another teacher (this was back in elementary or middle school). I asked her to repeat it twice, and everyone, including the teachers had a good laugh at my expense. I felt like someone hit me in the stomach with a shovel. I agree though that depression and hearing don't go hand in hand. In my opinion, it tends to be a consequence of isolated incidents that we experience which erode our self worth and make us more conscious of how others see us. Personally, my recommendation is turn the tables on people and stand up for yourself. Don't let your hearing change your life - own it and do all the things you love despite the challenges. It doesn't have to be an obstacle.

Laura